SAVE YOURSELF BEFORE SAVING THE WORLD

It’s the fifth day of my internship induction and I have certainly acquitted myself with the organizational structure and policies. Being an intern is the scariest yet nurturing work experience in someone’s career. Many are the times in an internship period you keep wondering if you are doing the right things often conscious of everything around you. My experience though, has not really been an uphill battle since I am around other two female interns.

This particular day, we were supposed to get inducted on women rights. People often think ‘which woman needs to be enlightened on their own rights.’ Truth is, it’s not as obvious as it sounds. If it were the case then there would not be any existence of gender violence.

It’s exactly midday when an average height, dark skinned, full figured lady joins us at one of the organization’s boardroom. Her hair is shoulder length long and she portrays a calm enthusiastic smile. She then pulls a seat and sits right across the table. ‘Hallo ladies’ she says. ‘Hallo,’ we respond in unison. ‘My name is Agnes Kola, Programme Manager, Cluster 2.How about you?’ she asks. We all look at each, wondering who should go first, a common intern shyness. Eventually one of the intern ladies opted to introduce herself while we followed suit.

Without squandering any minute, she quickly dived into the subject matter. We could easily tell she was a busy body with no time to waste. ‘As you had been briefed earlier, I will be taking you through women rights, which happens to be ActionAid’s central foci. This has been the case since, ActionAid feels women have for a long time being victims of gender violence. If I may ask, what do you understand by gender violence?’

I was just about to answer this question when something took me aback. ‘You've been a subtle victim of gender violence’ my conscience whispered .Throughout my entire life; the mention of ‘gender violence’ immediately shifted my mind to the excluded woman in the marginalised areas. Exclusion reflected through early marriages, school drop-outs, lack of sanitary towels and dysfunctional marriages.

Sometimes last year, I was more than determined to vie for a student leadership position at my University. Though I hadn't started doing any ground work,  my mind was set for the task. One Friday, I was at a meeting with one of the University’s top management staff .It was a simple, informal board room meeting. While discussing the preliminary issues at hand, I casually mentioned of my ambitions.

Everyone bust into a sarcastic laughter, as though I was making some cheap joke. One of the top management staff requested that everyone bring it down a notch only to state that the University’s governing team could come up with a strategy to help me win on a clean slate. ‘This is the deal of the century,’ I quietly thought to myself. What more could a candidate want than to have a campaign that guarantees you a win.

Now that I think of it, I realize it was a violation of my gender.  It was certain to them that I couldn't win through merit. Women do not require ‘Affirmative Action’ to hold political power. They should be put on the same level playing ground with the male counterparts without feeling intimidated.

A couple of years ago when I completed my O levels, I had an undying interest to acquire the skills to drive. It was top of my after-school-to-do-list. Efforts to convince my parent to see me through a driving school proved futile, claiming that it was not urgent. Years down the line, I watch my youngest 12 year old brother drive my parent’s car with pride. Witnessing this gets me asking ‘what’s so urgent about a 12 year old boy learning how to drive?’ Mechanical skills have for a long time been male dominated.

In most families there is a need in men to own power over other members of the family. This is often reflected through finances, decision making among other fundamental family aspects. While I was growing up, I knew that the thigh part of the chicken was my father’s piece. Eating it was a sign of disrespect to the head of the family. Later in life I learnt that it was common in other families but no one talks about it. If they do, it’s in subtle voices

None of these instances belonged to the excluded in marginalised areas. They happen in the middle class society and people have learned to embrace them. The violated, been women, have accepted it and never seem to raise a finger and challenge these facts. By the time Agnes Kola was leaving the boardroom, I had realised that, before I set out to help an excluded person I need to be liberated of all forms of gender violence.